You know when you see a girl too beautiful for words and you’re thinking there’s no chance in hell you could ever hook up with her? She has to be less than half your age – what, like 19 or so. Even if you had the cojones to walk over there and get her attention while she’s hanging out with a bunch of girlfriends, she’d just laugh at you. Peer pressure can be a bitch. You’d have about 32 spoiled teens mocking you in public. That would go down really nice with the neighborhood.

So let’s suppose you get to talk to her alone. You’d be so nervous you’d look like a freak. Some creep trying to get into her panties. That’s not what it’s about. You want her to get into your pants! You want her to be attracted to an old bastard like yourself. But that will never happen.

Men see their abs go and their beer guts expand. They go all wrinkly and it takes ages to reach an orgasm. You used to do it in like three minutes.

Wait a second! Don’t a lot of girls hate muscly machos who all look like Ken and shoot their load in 3 minutes? It’s a common misconception to think you’ve left the cutie market by the time you’re forty. Plenty of hot teenies are really into aging men with bundles of patience and experience. Their age makes them look wise and accomplished. Men of character. Charisma.

That’s exactly why you see so many old-young couples strutting down the streets. It makes for a perfect relationship. The dirty old farts get to have their way with the sweetie of their dreams while the naughty teens themselves get the respect and consideration they want. Money is hardly a problem and at least he takes his time to satisfy her fully in bed.

Tell me, what’s not perfect about that?